Speeding to quickly get to the destination and to avoid getting caught. The traffic police patrol car spots me at the beginning of Baghramyan and pulls me over. I don’t stop and keep riding along Baghramyan towards my home, with the hope that the policemen would give up on pursuing a motorcycle right away. The dudes seem tough; they put on the siren and start a pursuit. I cross the Baghramyan/Proshyan intersection under a red light, speeding somewhere around 130km/h, ride across the Barekamutyun bridge, and check my mirrors. The cops don’t appear to be there, and I no longer hear the siren or see the flashing lights. Looks like they’ve lost me. “Losers!”. I ride on. On the intersection of Komitas/Papazian, I turn left and — boom — smash my front wheel straight into the right door of the police car that was pursuing me! I barely hold the motorcycle. The policeman behind the door puts the window down, looking at me in awe, speechless.
“Hi!” I go on, looking straight into the guy’s eyes with a nervous smile on my face.
“Stop at the right side of the street!!” the other guy screams into the mike.
“Can I stop at the left side? I’m going to Papazian street, that’s where my home is.”
“STOP AT THE RIGHT SIDE!!” yells the policeman.
I pull the motorcycle over to the right, get off. The guys are extremely pissed. The one with the higher rank runs towards me and goes on enumerating, hardly catching his breath:
“You refused to stop at a traffic police officer’s demand, you ran away from the traffic police, you crossed a red light, rode on the opposite lane, more than twice exceeded the speed limit for riding in a residential area, you smashed into our goddamn door, and I can already feel standing here that you are drunk! Do you even imagine what kind of a fine are you going to pay?!”
“I’m sorry officer, I didn’t see that you pulled me over!”
“Are you kidding me? You’re lying! You saw us stopping you and you rode away, jumping under the red light!”
“Did I? I thought it was yellow!”
“It was red, and you’re lying! Now tell me that you didn’t realize you were riding on the opposite lane!”
“OK officer, what now?”
“Now I’m taking away your driving license, and you’re gonna have to pay enormous fines! Look at our door!”
“Please sir, it was really late and I just wanted to get home quickly! How about we solve this otherwise?”
“What’s your occupation?” the officer looks inquisitive
“I’m a student!” (Rubik says that this always works with the police. They start pitying you because of your social standing and income. But the officer didn’t buy that.)
“You’re a student riding a brand new 2009 Honda CBF? You’re lying!!”
“Uh sir, how about I just give you all the contents of my wallet and we part?” I take out my wallet.
“How much have you got in there?”
“Well I only have 5,000 drams!”
The officer looks in my eyes suspiciously for a second, then goes on: “Deal, you’re gonna give us all the contents of your wallet. Except we’re gonna check your wallet ourselves!”
He grabs the wallet from my hands, opens it… and takes all ~70,000 drams that I have in it.
“Some twisted goddamn asshole you are!” he mumbles, walking back to his car.
Disclaimer: this story does not represent my personality in any way. Honest!
Safety disclaimer: this story is fictional. I mean, what’s with the filing a lawsuit shit?!